Humor 1

A Chinese guy calls to U.S.

- Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?

- Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

- Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

- Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?

- Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

- Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

- Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

- Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

- Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

- Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

- Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

- Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ....

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A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure.

When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN

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Hope this touches you the way it touched me!
Goodbye Mom

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker!!!

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INDIAN MOM

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner…who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Kumar’s, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his moms thoughts, Kumar volunteered, ‘I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.’

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, ‘Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver chutney jar.

You don’t suppose she took it, do you?’ Kumar said: “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.’So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,

I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the chutney jar from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read,

Dear Son:

I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Sunita, and I’m not saying that you do not’ sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow…

Love,
Mom.

Lesson of the day: Don’t Lie to Your Mother… especially if she is Indian

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A girl thought LOL mean "lots of love"
so she sent it in the following text to her boyfriend . . .
sorry to hear about your Accident..LOL !!

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 One fine morning a man while having a coffee in a Cafe, noticed an unusual funeral procession.

 

A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of about 2000 men walking in a single line.

 

The man couldn't stand his curiosity, approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line.

 

Whose funeral is it? "

The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife. "

What happened to her? “

 

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her.”

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin? "

The man answered, "My mother-in-law; She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also. "

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog? "

The man calmly replied "Join the queue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”